Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

Published on December 7, 2004 By DagnyGrl In Life Journals

Alright, hum along with the tune.....

Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble!
If I stay there will be double!
So you got to let me know..................
Should I stay or should I go now?

This indecisions killing me.
If you don't love me set me free.......

So that's where I am today. This morning, he unemotionally asked me to make a decision on whether I am leaving or not. That the confusion is painful. Well, I agree because I'm feeling it to. I'm tempted to tell him now, but I'm too smart for that. About 30% of his life is logical and clear, the rest is emotional baggage and anger. In other words, if I tell him now that I am leaving, he will be absolutely awful and horrible to live with for the next couple of months. I could go early, but I need to save money to start a new life elsewhere. I know it sounds cruel and calculating, and it is. Some days I feel bad about it, but then I remember how he called me in my fourth week of training, the night before I deploy to tell me he wants a divorce. Forget that I've asked him for one three times and have endured innumerable embarrassments and self-esteem blows, not to mention my career. Then there was the sex dance with a girl here. You know the one. Where you flirt and tease, leading up to the final moment when you cum together. I believe that the moment never came, but the dance is what bothered me. Let's not forget the emotional affair he was having with another girl either.

In all the time I have hated being married to him, it never once crossed my mind to cheat on him, to not be loyal. Yet, I'm gone for two weeks, and that's exactly where he goes. Unbelievable.

Anytime I think it isn't possible that a man can possibly hurt me more than I've been, they find some new inventive way to stick the dagger into me. Surely there must be someone who will just love me without wanting to hurt me.

Comments

Cordelia

on Dec 07, 2004

I say go now. Go live with Mom if you can. I'm sure there's lots of issues with that, and I understand wanting to save. Is there a job for you on the old base? Your indecision really isn't about whether or not to leave, it's about when to leave, right? Could you get a place there while you wrap up your current job and obligations? My advice is get out now. You are not doing either one of you any favors by staying.

He promised he'd get therapy. He never did, did he? -K

Dagny

on Dec 08, 2004

Cordelia,

There is a job on base for me, my friends there would see to that. I could go, but I am making more money here than I would there because of all the overseas allowances. That's a lot of money to pay off debt. I have about 7 grand that I would like to chip away at as much as possible before I go. I'm going to need good credit to buy a car and try to buy/rent a small home. You're right though, the confusion is about when to leave rather than if I'm leaving. I would like to go now, but that's not what's best right now. I will be ready in a couple of months, emotionally, career wise, and money wise, so I'll just play the waiting game until then.

He finally went to individual therapy while I was gone, which is supposedly what led him to ask me for a divorce. I think it was the two girls and the promise of P***Y that led him to it. We've gone to some marital counseling sessions which are helping me to understand it all. I have individual counseling I'm starting next week.

If I stay for three or four more months, that's two more masters classes I could finish. That means I would only need four more and 10 weeks of student teaching to graduate. That's another reason. It's going to be very difficult to go to school when I am a single mom. There are so many factors to consider. As long as things are civil here, I can live with it until it's time to go. I know you're worried about me, and that makes me feel good because I know someone is looking out for me. Thank you.

JohnGalt

on Dec 08, 2004

Go, end of story. You know what you need to do, you have known form the beginning. Life is full of hard choices. This is not one, This is a choice between what you know you need to do, and maybe being a bit more comfortable for a few months.

“In a conflict between your heart and you mind, fallow your mind.”

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!